I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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