An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
