What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
