Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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