forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
false alarm. still invincible.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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