I just threw up on my dentist
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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