Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
