Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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