my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
babies were throwing up all over the place
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
