I bet he comes in French.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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