i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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