Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
