K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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