Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
