Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
