All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
FUCK WHALES
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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