At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
