The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I need a beard to bite.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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