totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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