What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
