If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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