Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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