If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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