so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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