Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
