# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
