I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
