i would punch a child for taco bell
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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