i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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