I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
