Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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