Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
