apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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