Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
