dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You left your underwear on the fireplace
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
