Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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