i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
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