the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
