I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
