So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
