We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize