If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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