Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
