I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
