I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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