Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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