all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
