I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
