He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
