I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
