Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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