Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
