I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
