I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
