just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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