Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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