Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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