If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
