So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think I won the penis lottery.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
