Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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