I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
