Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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