Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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