I think I just saw someone hide a body.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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