I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
