dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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