Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
