oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
as a side note pls kill me
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
