my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
