Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
