Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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