So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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