she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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