I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
