Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
